PART ELEVEN: DOUBLE TROUBLE

Chapter 51

Translated by Davidstarlingm

Within a few seconds after Yamcha of universe 9 forfeited against android 18 from universe 14, the craters and cracks on the ring disappeared as it was molded into a perfect sphere once again. It was ready for the next fight. One of the Vargas in charge, equipped with a microphone, glanced from the large bay window at the top of the control room down toward the space for universe 2. Abruptly animated as if by a sudden rush of motivation, he exploded with exposition.

“After this fight, we go to a peculiar universe. Our explorers were taken aback by it, due to its intense differences with the others.”

The audience all fell silent at once, listening carefully. Who would fight whom? The Varga continued after what he was sure was a dramatic pause:

“Universe 2 wasn’t discovered as much as it was imposed on us. I still don’t really understand myself. I would say they came to meet us…however, a few of them already knew before we had even arrived.”

In fact, looking at the balcony of this universe, the heroes and villains of the various universes wondered how these strange contestants had gotten there. All looked very different, and few had any muscle mass. Clearly, they came from different backgrounds and different worlds: a motley tribe at best.

The Varga paused again for a few seconds, almost as if he was waiting to receive a response from one of the thousands of spectators. Then he went on. “Two members of this universe are called for this match: Arale from universe 2 against Mary Sue from universe 2!”

“N’cha!” shouted Arale immediately, raising her arm happily. She was glad it was finally her turn.

The spectators in the stands seemed delighted: a fight between two opponents from the same universe would surely be balanced! The Varga did not wait, as was normally the case, for the two fighters to arrive in the ring.

“The one thing Arale and Mary Sue have in common are their innocent faces. But Arale is a little girl; Mary Sue is one of, if not the most beautiful creature of all time and all universes! Mary Sue comes from the Orion Star, where she mastered all martial arts to perfection and beyond, and speaks all languages, even past and future. Descendant of the most powerful Saiyan princes, blood sister of the Nameks, including the Dragon Tribe, hidden daughter of Broly (the fearsome warrior previously defeated by the invincible Vegetto), Baddack the most popular of the Saiyans, and King Vegeta (not the one who lost miserably earlier), sister of Bulma – I don’t know how, but isn’t it wonderful? – fused with her double from the future, genetically altered, with an I.Q. of 250, she is also immortal, immune to all diseases, talks to animals and plants, enters dreams to bring us happiness, dazzles us with her light, has beautiful pure golden hair flying in the wind, revealing her beauty, and eyes that are a beautiful blue ocean and—”

“What are you doing?” interrupted one of his friends, hands on his hips. “You don’t usually introduce people.”

“I…I don’t know what happened to me!” said the lead Varga, suddenly becoming aware of where he was and what he had done.

Both Vargas looked again at the space of Universe 2. Arale was already headed to the ring; Mary Sue walked slowly but gracefully as other warriors from her universe – Crono, Magus, Nekomajin – watched in awe. She was the center of attention for 99% of the people present at the tournament. Everyone was commenting; whistles from her male admirers echoed through the arena.

Mary Sue seemed to be the perfect fusion of the greatest warriors and most beautiful women of all universes. She wore shoes that looked too much like those of the Nameks to be a coincidence, and a silken scarlet ribbon, the last memory of her father Baddack, was tied around her smooth and voluptuous thigh. Her shorts were torn off perfectly to accentuate her form, and they had a hole in the back to let out her beautiful brown tail that revealed her Saiyan blood. She was slender, with armor that displayed her stomach but framed her chest ideally. She had a guard on one shoulder – the left – while her other shoulder and arm was bare for all to admire. As if to balance, her right arm had a cuff like one of Vegeta’s that perfectly and beautifully completed her armor.

“She’s so beautiful!” exclaimed hundreds of spectators in unison. Trunks from Universe 18 stood in awe, his eyes full of stars.

Indeed, everyone – even the fighters – had just as much emotion at the sight of her. The participants were all filled with sudden bliss at this perfect being who delighted them all.

“She’s like the big sister I never had!” said Bra from Universe 18, her eyes full of sparks, lifting one hand to her cheek unconsciously. She was following Mary Sue’s eyes as the siren walked toward her opponent with divine grace, and admired her perfect complexion, her beautifully-styled hair, her slender waist, her eyes so deep and pure…

“I feel like I’ve always known her!” added Vegeta, bewildered at the sight.

The prince of Saiyans seemed too captivated by so much beauty. “Probably Bulma’s genes,” he muttered. Indeed, he had a tremendous sense that there was something between them – a family resemblance? Something more? Despite how amazed he was, he didn’t feel surprised to see her…almost as if he was seeing his long-lost daughter. At that moment, he had almost forgotten his own daughter. What he had always dreamed of in his heart was there, only a few dozen yards away. Perfection itself.

Pointy Namek ears, perfection? Even Vegeta did not seem bothered by this. Maybe they were all blinded by Mary Sue’s glistening hair and lovely eyes. Few viewers even noticed the sparkling earrings she wore. So far, everyone was still amazed.

“Well, she seems to do quite an impression on the family!” exclaimed Gohan, surprised.

“Dad, I didn’t understand. She can’t have three fathers…” Pan asked, embarrassed. She didn’t understand how all of her friends could be so attracted to this girl.

Gohan suspected that there was something abnormal at work as soon as he saw Mary Sue. Was it magic? Was she purposefully doing it? Was it the power of literary trope? In any case, most of the people there were affected, but others weren’t, like himself, Pan, and his wife Videl. Trunks and Goten, on the other hand, were already loudly arguing over which of them would protect her from the dangers of the world.

In the space of Universe 8, similar reactions were taking place. Lovebirds Butta and Jeece glanced at each other for a moment after contemplating the beauty that was Mary Sue. Neither spoke a word, but they imagined:

‘Maybe I should change partners,’ thought Butta. ‘She seems even more versatile and open than Jeece.’

‘Maybe I should change partners,’ thought Jeece. ‘She seems even faster and more flexible than Butta.’

Freeza, due to his biology, felt nothing for Mary Sue. But he still saw that she was a pretty creature, which amused him. He turned to Kiwi. “Zarbon would be jealous; she is more beautiful than he ever was. He would have pursued her, no doubt, but she would have abandoned him as soon as she saw his monstrous side! It would have been priceless…”

Mary Sue began to speak, clasping her hands just above her smooth chest. “It’s good I closed my eyes when the king created a moon, or I would no longer be perfect. I’d be transformed into a giant Oozaru-dragon-octopus-platypus…me who hates violence and monsters…but I must fight, to save my doomed people cursed by two hundred vile sorcerers, my friends in prison who have been denied cable television in their rooms, my evil interdimensional double, the one of the prophecy, the promise I made on the mountain to three thousand people, and the baby of Trunks, Piccolo, Goten, and Vegeta I bear.”

Around the ring, the audience and the participants were stunned by her tragic and noble fate. As tears began to flow, voices full of pathos were heard:

“Such a beautiful voice full of wisdom and sadness!”

“Such a dreadful destiny!”

“I’d give my life for her!”

“I’d give my nine lives for her!”

“I’d give my raspberry donut for her!”

“Bear my child!”

“Shut up, Kakarotto!” snapped Vegeta, suddenly jealous and also exasperated by the behavior of his fellow Saiyan. For some reason, Kakarotto seemed determined to find a wife at this tournament.

“What!?” shouted Trunks and Goten simultaneously from both worlds 16 and 18. “You’ve already slept with her and she’s carrying your child?!” they exclaimed. “You’re sick! She was mine, my life, you traitor! And now that you have to take care of a kid, you can’t fight any more!”

“Wait, don’t look at me like that, Gohan,” Piccolo exclaimed while his old pupil stared at him quizzically. “I cannot reproduce with any female of any species in any universe.”

“Hoyoyo!” shouted Arale, who seemed unaffected by the speeches. “You must go on the ring, Madam!”

Mary Sue finally leapt into the air, and flew gracefully toward the ring. Fighting a child…such a thing was beyond her principles, her vision of justice, friendship, love, tolerance, fashion sense…so as a prayer to the gods, Mary Sue continued her speech. “I must win. The dragon balls are my only hope. Let the Goddesses help me for this fight…”

“Ta, tada da da!!!!” cried Arale. She did not listen at all. She ran very fast for a small kid, toward Mary Sue, and…

WHAM!! Suddenly, in a display of violence unprecedented in this tournament, the terrible destructive horrible little Arale smashed her first into the face of poor sweet Mary Sue.

Struck by this terrible uppercut, the poor girl flew up into the air, gripped in pain, banged against the moon, bounced off Mars (because the planets had been constructed especially for this tournament), and then finally crashed onto the floor with a thud, her perfect body splayed against the ring under her weight, despite how slender and perfect she was. Her bloodied head and chest were buried in the ring as the rest of her body stuck out stiffly. She trembled a little, then lay still. Above, the moon apologized for hurting her, and went away very sorrowfully.

“Victoryyyy!” cried Arale, obviously pleased with her terrible act.

But the Vargas could not so easily declare Mary Sue’s attacker to be the winner. They counted the seconds…sometimes more slowly than they otherwise would have, hoping to give their favorite another chance…but no. It was well and truly over. The announcer eventually decided to conclude the battle.

“Ma—Mary was unconscious for 30 seconds!” said the Varga with tears in his eyes. “Arale from universe 2 wins!”

“Bitch!” exploded Vegeta, terrible in his anger. “How could you hit that innocent girl? I’ll tear out your guts! I’ll avenge her honor!”

“He’s really weird,” remarked Goku beside him. Strangely, the naïve side of Goku didn’t have to restrain the same overreaction.

In space 16, Trunks was seized with a sudden deep depression. “I couldn’t manage…to protect you…” he cried, cherry blossoms falling around him to highlight the tragedy of what had happened. He clutched his arms against his body as if to console himself. He fought to keep the tears from flowing.

Where did the flower petals come from?

“Fate brought us together,” Trunks continued thinking, “but it was only sorrow in the end, because I cannot now but weep until the end of my days…you made me realize what was missing in me, and thou hast given new meaning unto my life…but I shalt not lose. For thee, I shall win and shall build a better world in thy name!”

“That girl had a real unusual success, and I know what I’m talking about,” Kat said in space 6, holding her chin as she pondered this phenomenon surrounding Mary Sue. It was clear to her that there was highly powerful magic at work here, well above what she could do. Her pheromone was nothing compared to this.

“That really wasn’t natural,” added one of her friends. “Rose petals started to fall all over the stadium when she lost…I wonder what magic this is.”

Arale approached Mary Sue, tugged on her leg to pull her out of the ring, and carried her easily back to space 2. Everyone could see the head of the poor, wounded, almost-Mary-Sue. When she disappeared into space 2 (Arale being kind enough to go and put her in a bed), the rose petals covering the stadium disappeared, as did all thoughts about her.

At the top of the control tower, the announcer Varga, who had been stunned in silence since announcing the defeat of the beautiful princess now so horribly disfigured, suddenly recovered his professionalism. “Er…Next! So…the next fight will be Gotenks from Universe 16 against Gotenks from Universe 18!”

It was a shock for all four young men from worlds 16 and 18. They had all imagined hundreds of scenarios, opportunities, effective strategies to win one way or another. Anything but this!

“But…that’s a huge waste of charisma!” one of the Trunkses cried, unable to believe it.

“Please step into the ring,” said the Varga to the boys as if to confirm that they were intended to fight.

“Good idea, let’s get rid of these morons as soon as possible,” said Bra from universe 18, glancing at Goten.

They seemed to be thinking, hands on hips, staring at the ground. After a few moments, they all ran inside. The audience waited. The Vargas grew impatient. The announcer looked at both space 16 and space 18.

“So well…what are they waiting for?” he said, moments before a bright light glinted from inside the spaces of both universe 16 and 18…